O God who sees the heart
I come not pretending anymore.
Not as judge, not as victim, not as the one who knows best. As Your child scared, afraid, at my end.
I come as one who has spent too long
measuring specks in others,
while the beam in my own soul blinds me.
“Judge not, that you be not judged…”
You weren’t calling me to silence truth
You were calling me to humility.
And I confess…
I’ve used discernment as a disguise for pride.
I’ve spoken when I should have searched.
I’ve tried to fix others
to avoid facing what’s rotting inside of me.
Forgive me, Lord.
Help me remove the log.
Not with shame, but with honesty.
Not to earn Your love,
but to see clearly again.
“Do not give dogs what is holy…”
Teach me wisdom.
Help me know when to speak and when to stay silent.
Give me discernment, not suspicion.
Give me purity without naïveté.
And let my motives be love always love.
Then You said,
“Ask… seek… knock.”
And something in me breathes again.
You’re not annoyed by my asking.
You’re not hiding in silence.
You want to give.
You delight in being found.
You open the door when I’m desperate enough to knock.
So here I am asking again.
Seeking again.
Knocking, though my knuckles are raw.
Father,
I believe You give good gifts.
Even when it doesn’t look like what I asked for.
Even when the answer comes wrapped in waiting,
or breaking,
or no.
You are better than I imagined.
And I trust You help me trust You more.
Jesus, You gave us the narrow gate.
The hard way.
Not the popular one.
Not the easy one.
But the way that leads to life.
And I admit
I’ve flirted with the wide road.
The one paved with compromise.
The one that pleases the crowd.
But I want life, not applause.
So even if it costs me everything,
even if I walk alone
I choose the narrow way.
Beware of false prophets…
God, let me not be deceived by them or by myself.
Let me look for fruit, not fame.
Character, not charisma.
And God, if there is anything false in me
burn it out.
Rip off the costume.
I don’t want to be a tree that looks alive
but bears no fruit.
Then You said the hardest thing
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter…”
And I tremble.
Because I know how easy it is to say the right words.
To do the right things.
To perform miracles in public
but be far from You in private.
Jesus…
Don’t let me be unknown to You.
Let me never settle for a name that sounds like Yours,
but a heart that’s distant.
Know me.
Break me.
Love me into obedience.
Because when the rains fall,
when the storm hits
I don’t want sand beneath me.
I want the Rock.
You, Jesus
my firm foundation.
Not just my Savior, but my Lord.
Not just my refuge, but my builder.
Make me wise not in words, but in obedience.
Make my life a house that stands.
Even when it floods.
Even when it costs.
Even when no one understands.
Because I’ve heard You now.
And I choose to build.
In the name of the Gate,
the Rock,
the Judge,
and the King
Jesus Christ,
Amen.